Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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