FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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