Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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