there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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