Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we made out on top of his cat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
