I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
