if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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