I like to think it a success when the cops are called
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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