Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
