He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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