there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
