found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
