I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
