I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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