can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
vagina is talking i cant
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
