Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
