people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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