So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
