she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
