I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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