Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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