I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
