After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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