dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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