Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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