worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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