we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
