I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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