Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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