from now on my penis is your penis
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
