i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
