pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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