a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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