i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
