We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pants are for mortals
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
