dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
