i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
