No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
