Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
