so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
