So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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