the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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