so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the liver wants what the liver wants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
