I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
