I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
