yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
