Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
