It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
