I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
