What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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