I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize