i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
