He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
