Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
