and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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