I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
