Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
