He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
