Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize