hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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