dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
