Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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