People with herpes should wear stickers.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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