I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
