If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
