sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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