Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
